Adults can only be screened, not educated
1. Change motivation
My classmates often ask me that the post-90s and post-00s generation are becoming increasingly difficult to manage.
I earnestly persuade and reason with all my heart and lungs, hoping to inspire the other party's goodwill and encourage them to make changes, so that they can become better and better in their future career development.
I didn't know that the other party not only didn't appreciate it, but also had a reluctant expression on their face.
I really don't know why I'm working so hard.
Moreover, some young subordinates are always unable to solve problems independently.
Every time something happens, they come to me for help.
I feel like a firefighter, running wherever there's a problem to put out the fire.
I am so busy that my subordinates still look innocent.
I feel particularly painful. Extremely tired.
Mr. Run, what should I do?
Whenever this happens, I really want to tell him a famous theory proposed by Professor Fogg at Stanford University:
Fogg behavior model.
Professor Fogg is the pioneer of "behavioral design" and the founder of Stanford University's Behavioral Design Laboratory, with over 20 years of in-depth research on human behavior.
So, what is the 'Fogg Behavior Model'?
Simply put, it is a set of formulas:
B=MAP。
B (behavior) represents "action".
M (motivation) represents "motivation", A (ability) represents "ability", and P (prompt) represents "prompt".
In other words, when the three elements appear at the same time, the behavior will occur.
The stronger the motivation, the more likely it is to change behavior.
Now, let's go back to the question at the beginning. Let's first simulate the situation when a subordinate asks you for help.
For example, you have a subordinate who is in charge of a project and the progress is not very good.
So, he came to you, the manager, this project encountered many difficulties, the customer is not very satisfied, may not be able to push forward.
As soon as you are in a hurry, take out the whiteboard quickly, and the operation is as fierce as a tiger with clear logic structure diagram.
You're jumping up and down in the office, walking around, racking your brains, and helping him out with ideas.
Could it be that they misunderstood our plan?
Why don't you try to contact Party A's project manager and tell us our thoughts again.
Before you finished speaking, he grabbed the words and said, I tried, no.
I sent emails, WeChat messages and phone calls to the other supervisor to explain our plan in detail, but it was useless.
You said again, then why don't you try to give them some more rights and interests?
He went on to say that I also mentioned this and wanted to give away some rights and interests, but the other party did not accept it at all, and the words were very hard.
In short, no matter what suggestion you make, he can give the reason why the suggestion is inappropriate and block your suggestion back in some "reasonable" way.
Does this scene seem familiar to you?
This is not to seek a solution at all, but to inform you that "I have tried my best to do this, and no one can do it.
Your communication again and again is just to prove how difficult he is and how difficult he is.
So how can we fundamentally solve this problem? Let the behavior change of employees?
Continue to give him advice?
I can't.
No amount of advice can change this "closed loop of behavior".
So what do we do?
Change M(motivation) "motivation".
Teacher Li Songwei shared a consultation case:
On one occasion, he supervised a young consultant, who asked a lot of questions about a thorny matter.
He gave many suggestions back and forth, but they were all rejected by the other party.
I 've already used this method, but I really can't.
Although that method hasn't been tried yet, it certainly won't work. It won't work.
Oh, oh, that method, I know, I understand, not appropriate.
Teacher Li Songwei realized that at this time, no matter what advice he was given, he would find a reason why "my advice is inappropriate.
He said to him, "If so, I can't help it."
"I gave up."
The counselor was stunned and said:
"Teacher, don't give up so soon. You must have a way. Please help me think again."
Teacher Li Songwei said, I really can't help it. I said the method just now, and you tried it, but it didn't work. It's invalid.
At this time, the consultant said that it would not have no effect at all. In fact, some of the methods you mentioned are still effective.
Then, I began to take the initiative to find a way in turn. Do you think this will work? Is this okay?
By this time, you can see that the consultant has gone from proving how difficult it is to be proactive in facing problems and constantly trying to find solutions.
Behavior closed loop, began to open gradually.
2. Break the closed loop
When you understand the problem of consultants, you can also understand the problems of subordinates and you.
Is the subordinate unable to solve the problem independently?
It's not.
In your scene, you are also one of the important roles. You can't let him feel that you have a trace of accusation.
More can not force education, keep talking about the truth, hoping to change the other side's motivation.
In other words:
The management of adults can only be "screened", not educated, let alone reasoned with him.
What do you mean?
It's when you realize that you and your subordinates are in the "yes, but" closed loop of behavior,
When you give him any advice, he can find the reason why the advice is inappropriate, you should say:
I don't know what to do about this. What do you think?
如果下属说了他的想法。
那你紧接着说，
哦，你还可以这么做？这个我之前都没想过。
你这样说了之后，你就打破了这个闭环。
下属，也就从一个“这事根本没办法完成”的角色，慢慢转变为“这事可以这么做”的角色。
为什么会这样？
因为，当你说出，“我也不知道该怎么办了”的时候，你把自己放在了一个更低的位置。
让下属觉得，针对他负责的事，他比你懂得更多，你想多听听他的想法。
而不是让下属觉得，你比他懂，你比他办法多。
3.重启回路
不仅在日常管理过程中是这样，在企业经营、亲密关系、亲子教育等场景下，都是如此。
我们总爱站在自己的视角来解决问题，而不是真正站在用户的视角来解决需求。
我们总爱站在自己的视角说多喝热水，而不是真正站在对方的视角来耐心陪伴。
我们总爱站在自己的视角来决定爱好，而不是真正站在孩子的视角问是否喜欢。
这也是为什么，世界上总有“自嗨”的产品，教不好的“坏小孩”，和永远教不会的“直男”。
这是非常容易犯的错误，无法实现自己想要的结果。
即使实现了，也会造成成本的剧烈攀升。
因为对方的动机没有改变。
而我们，却总是想用自己的动机，去强行改变对方的行为。
我们总是想改变对方，让对方按照自己想要的样子改变，
最后双方伤痕累累，却始终无法改变。
史蒂芬·柯维举过一个例子：
如果你想教一个不喜欢运动的人打网球，
如果这个人看上去有一点情绪低落、没有信心表现不积极，
你是应该直接同他谈他的这种态度呢？
还是应该教授更多的关于地面凌空击球的知识？
或者干脆把他带到球场上去，教授他相关技巧，然后放手让他自己去练习，让他自然而然地自己提出想要知道更多的知识？
行为越容易做到，就越容易发生，发生越多次，就越容易做到，
从而重启回路，并形成一个正向增强回路，进而发生改变。
你会发现，当他们开始喜欢这项运动的时候，他们就会自然而然地变得积极起来。
当他们真的感受到爱和信任，而不是指责和怀疑时，
他们自然会发生改变，而且变得越来越好。
4.最后的话
对方不想改，你说了也没用。
对方确实想改了，主动找你，你再给出解药。
人教人，永远教不会。
事教人，一次就够了。
人很难被叫醒，只能痛醒，只能被爱唤醒。
谁痛谁改变，克制自己去纠正别人的欲望。
成年人只能筛选，不能教育，更不能和他说道理。
但你永远也无法改变一个根本不想改变的人。
所以，作为管理者，当你遇到下属不能独立解决问题的时候，
你应该早点觉察到下属和你在玩一个“是的，但是”的闭环游戏，这是一个绕不出的死胡同。
快速果断跳出游戏，打破闭环，按照福格模型，重启游戏。
只有这样，你才能成长为一名成熟的管理者。
Information source: Enterprise management
